Back to school for all of us – End of the Day for September 4, 2014

Back to school night for us here. Hard to think we’ll only have one more of these to attend before Joe is off to college. That said, this is also one of the toughest years of high school. Everything starts to come to a very fine point with SAT tests, college visits and thoughts about preferences and the large issues of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I’m not sure I ever answered that questions correctly myself, but one never knows, do they?

I always feel a bit uncomfortable on evenings like this. My time at school was not the best and I am afraid all the teachers are judging me as a parent in the same way my teachers judged me as a student. Joe isn’t a bad student, but there are times I wished he tried a little harder. He does quite well on subjects he enjoys, but his attention struggles on those required courses that don’t capture his attention. I know intellectually that there is little I can do about this, but emotionally it still bothers me. It triggers my own worry and self-doubt. I try not to pass this on to Joe, but that doesn’t mean I can make it disappear from my own thoughts. It is the simple fact that there are times I find myself lacking as a parent and I worry that others can see that, too.

I guess we all carry some self-doubt along with us, though. It might be larger or smaller, but I find there are always little chinks where the doubt creeps in and makes me feel worried and anxious and school brings out that out in me. I have found my little niche within the school working the various theater events throughout the year, but theater has always been my hiding place away from the larger world. For whatever reason, I feel more comfortable there than anywhere else. Perhaps it is the feeling of acceptance, camaraderie or team work, but for whatever reason, I don’t feel as anxious as I do when it is a general school event.

So back to school and back to life for all of us as we make another circle around the sun. Each year brings its own rewards and challenges and these little events are just mile markers along the path.

Previously on End of the Day: