Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings or situation of another person.
As you might imagine, empathy is a very important trait for those people who
want to successfully collaborate with others, whether as co-workers, manager
and staff or client and consultant. If you are unable to connect with others
or truly understand what they might be feeling, you set yourself apart like
a modern day Marie Antoinette, giving advice without any real understanding
of the world around you. Other people are quick to catch on when you lack empathy
or any real understanding of how they are feeling. This diminishes your effectiveness
with others and can put your career at risk.
Lack of empathy
It is very likely that you have met or worked with people who don’t have
a reputation for empathy. They seem unable to relate to you in any way except
in formal, rule-bound contexts. Your personal crises and emergencies mean nothing
to them except in how it impacts their needs, their schedules and their work.
They can’t seem to imagine that you have important issues that must be
handled, regardless of the work that needs to be done.
The usual phrases you will hear when people are describing someone
who lacks empathy is “They are cold. They don’t understand. They don’t
care.” The last phrase is the most damaging. If you want to motivate others
and accomplish great things, those around you must know that you care about
both them and their work. Once they discover you don’t care, or more likely,
don’t understand how your actions are being perceived, it is a long road
back to productivity.
As I discussed in a previous column in this series, trust, and feelings
of trust, are one of the most important parts of your reputation.
When you show a lack
of empathy, you are violating the bond of trust that must exist between yourself
and others. If your co-workers, your manager or your employees don’t see
a certain level of empathy displayed in your actions toward them, they will
come to trust you less. In fact, it quickly becomes clear that you value rules
and money far above the average person. Would you trust someone like this? Probably
not. So, it should be very clear why people wouldn’t trust you, either.
Overly
empathetic
As with anything, the extremes are best avoided. I have seen some people
who are overly empathetic. They take each crisis and emergency as
their own. They
seem to suffer as much as the person directly connected with the problem. While
understanding the feelings of those around is great, taking on the burdens of
others is not. The fact is, the problem isn’t happening to you. You can
do little to resolve it. You can help others with their issues, but you can’t
make those issues your own, no matter how empathetic you are.
Developing a reputation for empathy allows you to build your career
in many ways, but it isn’t something that is created overnight. It is a long process
of showing your empathy in everyday ways. Like all the other reputations the
proof of your reputations lies in your actions, not in your words. You show
your empathy in everything you do.
A reputation for empathy will allow you to work more closely with
others, as they will begin to feel that you understand their needs,
feelings and issues
in a way that others never cultivate. Teamwork will flourish in such an environment,
as there is a stable base of understanding that allows differing opinions
and even conflict. Your co-workers and managers can safely disagree
with one another
and develop better plans and projects, because they know that underneath it
all, is a sense of connection that overrides all else.
The next time you are inclined to push and push, without regard to
the feelings and issues of others, take a moment to consider how
you would feel when placed
in such a position. Imagine asking for a little understanding, a little time
off or a small change that would allow you to better cope. Would you deny this
to yourself? Then don’t deny it to others. Empathizing with others starts
with understanding ourselves more and more deeply, so that we can share that
understanding with others.
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