By Example
May 20, 2005
** Listen to this column on your computer, iPod or other audio player **
Ask any married couple and you will quickly learn that you can’t make anyone change. You can wish them to change, ask them to change, demand they change, even threaten them to change, but, in the end, change can’t be imposed from the outside, it can only grow from within. This is also true of your work relationships. As much as you would like to change your co-workers, your manager or your employees, you can’t. There is hope though. When people are given a good example to follow, they can, eventually, discover for themselves that there are benefits to change. So, instead of sighing, shouting or screaming, your main task is to simply provide a good example.
Long term
Causing change by being a good example is a long term process. You won’t
see results overnight, over a week or even over a year, but even if you
can’t see the results, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Change is a frightening thought for most people and they must be gently
pushed and prodded in the right direction. This is why flurries of memos
and hosts of programs don’t really work. They don’t address
the inherent human fear that accompanies change. Therefore, instead of
frightening people, simply show them the correct path, day in and day
out.
How do you do this? You help others to change by changing yourself. Often,
the traits we most dislike in others are those that we share. We despise
co-workers who are constantly late, yet we are often late ourselves. We
dislike dis-organization, but our cube looks like a whirlwind passed through
just moments ago. If we look first to ourselves, we will often see the
answer to our problems.
Step by step
So, what to do? Take any one particular issue you are having with someone
around you and spend a few minutes thinking about the associated problems.
Are you sure you are providing a good example? Sometimes, when others
are annoying us, we simply reply in kind. When others are late, we show
up even later. When others are not doing their work, we goof off, too.
Instead, you need to focus even more intently on doing the right thing.
Turn in your work early. Do a better job. Be the worker you wish they
would be.
Your actions will begin to have several effects. First, you are subtly
showing your co-workers the type of work or behavior that you expect.
Since you aren’t shouting at them, berating them or otherwise inducing
fear, your message will come through more clearly than a hundred memos.
Be consistent in your actions so that the message is clear. If those around
you understand that you are going to follow-up on an assignment the next
day – every time – they will begin to think to themselves,“Hmmm....I
know Doug is going to show up today for a status report on the XYZ Project.
He always does. I guess I better have something to show him.”
Subconsciously they begin to understand how you work and will start to
adjust their behavior accordingly. Meeting your expectations is always
easier than making up an excuse or avoiding you, so it is in their best
interest to “just do it!” If you are clear in your priorities
and desires, they will be clear in their response.
It never fails
The truth is, even if those around you don’t change significantly,
you will still benefit. Even if no one else changes, changing yourself
-- focusing on your work and your goals – will be good for you.
Hopefully, they will follow your good example and begin to change in significant
ways. If not, though, your new focus will begin to highlight the differences
between you and those around you. It is they who will suffer from the
bad comparison. They will need to rise to your level or deal with the
consequences. While this isn’t as subtle a motivator as you might
wish, change for the better is still achieved.
Model the behaviors you want to see in others and they will respond. Be
a good example in all things you do, in work and in daily life, and it
will help you to develop a cohesive group around you and spur you all
on to better things. It can be a tough road sometimes. People can be resistant
to change, or scared of it. Still, whether they change or not, the effect
on you, and your high-tech career is sure to be significant.
Now Available from CafePress.com