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Archive for February, 2014

Self-doubt — End of the Day for February 22, 2014

February 22nd, 2014 Comments off

End of the day LogoIt always amazes me how one word or small phrase can change my mood from one extreme to another in the passing of a single breath. It happened today, over something small, but one response to something I said sent me into a fit of self-doubt that still lingers even as I write this. Self-doubt is my enemy right now, even more than usual, so it doesn’t take much to trigger it and all the associated responses. As is often the case, no one is tougher on us than ourselves and this is especially true of me. I only need a small shove to head down the path.

I have always been — what might be called — a sensitive person. I don’t think it has ever served me well. I quickly pick up on the moods and attitudes of those around me and begin to feel them, even if I don’t have any particular association with what is happening. Being near someone having an argument or complaining about something is enough to send me out of a coffeehouse or restaurant just to escape the feelings that start to take over. Call it excessive empathy or sensitivity or “having no sense of humor” or “can’t take a joke”, as I have often been accused.

Of course, trying to explain this to others is a futile exercise. It is very hard to understand something like this from the outside. Heck, I barely understand it myself. I only know what I feel and how I react to specific situations, but others often think I am just being silly, or capricious or have some ulterior motive. More likely, I just want to remove myself from the situation or do whatever I can to prevent being in the situation in the first place. It is like I see a train coming own the tracks and I step off the tracks long before everyone else, just to be safe.

Often my trigger points are the verbalization of doubts and fears I am already feeling deeply myself. This suddenly wrenches my thinking back to the problem when I am not prepared to deal with it. Sometimes ignoring a problem is the only way of dealing with it at the moment. Sure, that is not a long term solution, but I know I don’t always have the strength to deal with every issue all the time. I try to make things better when I can, but I also know when it is better to do as Scarlett O’Hara did and “think about it tomorrow.” The trouble with this is that others don’t know when I am capable of dealing with an issue and when I am not, so they only do what they can do and talk about it, or try to solve it. This typically only sends me further down the rabbit hole, though. I am getting better at telling people what is going on within this weird head of mine, but  it can still be difficult, especially when I am surprised with a word or turn of phrase that touches that sore spot that no one can really see.

There are days I want to wear a sign that says “It’s not you, it me!”, just so people know that I truly am “not in my right mind” (SMILE) at least in the frame of mind to deal with the larger issues of life and legacy.

Previously on End of the Day:

Categories: End-of-the-Day, Writing Tags:

Photo: Channel Island Fox | Santa Cruz Island #wildlife #california via Instagram

February 22nd, 2014 Comments off

Jobs Available – All types of job listings at Jobs.WelchWrite.com – Search by keyword and location

February 22nd, 2014 Comments off
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An evening out — End of the Day for February 21, 2014

February 21st, 2014 Comments off

End of the day LogoGrowing up in a very small town, I was never one to spend evenings out, since there really wasn’t anywhere to go except the local pizza house. Of course, I spent waaaaay too much time there, but otherwise it was a very quiet small town life. In college, Rosanne and I spent so many hours in the theater we rarely ever “dated.” An evening out at Miles Pizza after the show was about as far as we got.

Even as young marrieds in Los Angeles, we sometimes went out for dinner and show, but we were never types to go to clubs, although the Iguana Cafe coffeehouse saw us for many hours over our years in North Hollywood. Once we had Joseph, of course, our evenings out had to be more planned and scheduled, but we had some great babysitters so we got out even now and then.

Now that Joe is almost 16, we can go off and do our own thing in the evenings, if we want, and we have made a few excuses over the years to make that more frequent. I call LA Friday Coffee meetups every so often and now we have the Food Truck Fridays at Creme Caramel LA within walking distance of the house, so that makes it easy. We just have to get our own lazy butts out the door, but we do get out a but more frequently. We will, hopefully, have a micro-brewery in the neighborhood soon, so that will give us another cool venue to visit.

There we are hanging out a tonight’s Food Truck Fridays, Rosanne had an excellent Curry Gardenburger from the Hurricane truck, while I settled for a “Brookie” from Creme Caramel itself. This cross between a brownie and cookie was very rich and better than I even thought it might be. I try to check out any new items on the menu at least once, but I hadn’t had a chance to taste this yet. Very yummy.

So, it is a bit odd, but I think we get out in the evening more now than we ever really did before. It looks like it will continue with so much cool stuff coming to the neighborhood.

Previously on End of the Day:

Categories: End-of-the-Day, Writing Tags:

Photo: Curry Gardenburger from @thehurricaneinc at @creme_caramel_la Food Truck Friday via Instagram

February 21st, 2014 Comments off

51 of My Favorite Things for February 21, 2014 – Shared links from Douglas E. Welch

February 21st, 2014 Comments off

My Favorite Things

As always, let me know what types of interesting items you would like to see and I will keep an eye out for them especially. — Douglas

Get new shared links as I find them via my social media feeds:

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Photo: Garden Alphabet: Joshua Tree (Yucca brevifolia) | A Gardener’s Notebook via Instagram

February 21st, 2014 Comments off

Photo: Kitty via Instagram

February 21st, 2014 Comments off
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…and the days roll by — End of the Day for February 20, 2014

February 20th, 2014 Comments off

End of the day LogoSometimes I think I am just not paying enough attention. The days seem to disappear into the ether with increasing speed lately. The month of February is almost over and it seem like we were just celebrating the New Year. I try to be mindful during the day, but when I am engage in work in the home office, I tend to be very “heads down.” I focus on getting things done and sometimes wake up and hour or more later — hungry and wondering what happened. Some folks would call this “flow” and think it a good thing, and at times it is. That said, too much of any good thing might be be that good.

Working while waiting

I need to get better at taking breaks during my day to remember where I am, what I am doing and what I am trying to accomplish. Another term you will often here is “mindfulness” and think I could us  a little more of that. A bit of stopping to take stock so the days don’t roll by so quickly. Accomplishing stuff us great, but remembering what you accomplished is even better.

Another part of the problem is that I often don’t leave the house during the day. This can leave me feeling a bit odd and a bit disconnected from the family. I can take a break from work, walk outside and only then realize that it is hot or cold. sunny or grey. Since Rosanne and Joe are out during the day, they want to stay in in the evenings, where I feel a need to get out for a bit. It can lead to something of a ” Pushmi-pullyu” type of existence. (See Doctor Dolittle for reference)

So, for today, let me note for myself (and subsequently, you) that today our house was put back into order  by our great house cleaner, Marta, we had a free energy inspection of the house, which completes tomorrow, I posted many links to my own content and other great stuff I found, we made a trip to Burbank for school pickup, I made jambalaya for dinner, Joseph write a chemistry essay which Rosanne edited and we watched a bit of television, including a rerun of Big Bang Theory. See, I can remember a bit of what happens during my day, if I put my mind to it.

I hope this essay encourages you to spend a little more effort on remembering your day and being a bit more mindful of everything that occurs. It will all be gone in a moment as the tide of each new day ebbs and flows. Sometimes I give great thanks that I have my technology and online memory that allows me to remember what I was doing, when. I am sure I will find this even more a benefit as I grow older.

 

Check out more books on Flow

Previously on End of the Day:

Categories: End-of-the-Day, Writing Tags:

Recent Pinterest Pins from Douglas E. Welch

February 20th, 2014 Comments off
Categories: Food, Garden, Shared Items, Tips Tags: